Can't complain about the weekend. We did ok at the garden show. Which is great.. and not so great.. I love doing well at these small events.. but the more we sell, the less we have for the September event.. and that's gotta suck, if you know what I mean. I just don't have time to replace what I've sold.. let alone catch up on orders.. or get ready for the Sept.. show.. Sometimes I wonder if we should even try for the Sept show.. If we get enough items ready for it.. That one show will carry us over till spring..  But geez... Trying to get ready for it.. and still make enough money at these little shows to get by on.. whoo weee.. It's  tough...

I'm sure we'll make it.. at least I hope that we do.. this is our choice.. and it's the only way we know.. ya know.. plug along and make it happen.. What else is there?

Gotta get back to work..

Take care,

Vesta

Hey gang,

I need some help.. As you may know, we had a fire this spring and lost nearly all that we possessed. Since the fire we have been just barely making ends meet. However, we have an opportunity to attend a craft fair that if it goes as it should will give us enough funds for the winter.. Problem is we are simply making do right now.. My hubby can't card the fiber as fast as I can spin and create with it.. Plus he has to work offsite just to make sure that I have fiber to use.. and I'm simply playing catch up with all the orders I have.. I have no time to sit down and make products for the Sept craft fair.. Right now it's a no win situation.. THEN to add to the mess.. we are going to have to sell some of our angoras tomorrow just to make the food bill for the month for the rest of them.. and to my pouting dismay.. the auction tomorrow have llamas and alpacas already consigned.. Oh Lawd knows I would love to be able to bid on them.. We desperately need more of the bigger fiber animals.. easier and cheaper to feed don't ya know..

But I digress.. what we really need is the funds to cover us until Sept, plus the funds to purchase a drum carder to make the cleaning and carding of our fiber so  much easier and quicker.. With a drum carder, even I could clean and card in the event hubby was off doing something else.. With my fibro, I don't have the physical strength and stamina to comb the fibers we need.

I do want to assure everyone that this difficulty we are in is not a case of poor money management. Last summer we had the bird business producing funds for us at this time of year, plus we didn't need to replace all of the fiber, products, tools, and well.. everything we ever owned while at the same time trying to grow our fiber business and completing our house for us to live in before this winter sets in.. Just didn't want ya all to think we were a bunch of loafers or anything.. : ) If it were just one of these things, we could survive.. our needs are small and our income is growing.. But when you add the loss of the birds, the need to replace everything we ever owned, with the need to build on the house and add to our fiber animals.. well you can see where that is going eh? :)

Take care and wish us well..

Vesta

Can you fill this out without lying?
Probably

What bed did you sleep in last night?
Slept at a friend's house last night..

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Salad

When was the last time you cried really hard?
It's been a few days.. would be about two weeks ago when a neighborhood dog went berserk and killed most of my young chicks..

How do you feel about your life right now?
It's difficult

Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?
probably

How's your heart?
Can't complain

Where was your default picture taken at?
In my home

Last person you rode in a car with under the age of 20?
my son

Last time you walked further than a block?
That would be this past Saturday..

Name someone that made you laugh today?
Husband

When was the last time you saw number 3 on your top friends?
Don't recall this number you are asking about

How late did you stay up last night and why?
Midnight or so. .. working on making hats and watching tv

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
I pretty much like it here

Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Yes.

Which of your friends lives closest to you?
That would be my husband and he lives with me.. Nancy lives next to closest

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
I think so..

Do you prefer to call or text?
Text.

How do you feel about Diet Dr Pepper?
ewwww.. sounds gross

Where is your biological father right now?
Dead

Where are you at right now?
Friend's house

What was the last thing someone bought for you?
Root Beer Float

When is your birthday?
12*08

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
As in me and someone else in the same picture?? Me and my youngest

Was yesterday better than today?
A little

Can you live a day without TV?
Sure.. do it all the time

What are you listening to?
tv

Are you mad about anything?
Not currently

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
yes

When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
Last time I talked to my daughter.. she can be a pistol

Are you involved with anyone?
Yes

Where do you wish you were right now?
home

What should you be doing right now?
working

Is anything bothering you right now?
yeah

Are you a bad influence?
I used to be.. not so much anymore

Night out or night in?
out?? lol you make me laugh.. I'm broke

Are you more of an individual or an outgoing person?
I am me..

What items could you not go without during the day?
beverage

Would you share a drink with a stranger?
No

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
husband

Last hug?
husband

Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
No

What does the last text message in your inbox say?
No idea

Explain why you last threw up?
I don't remember

Do you hate anyone?
no.. lifes to short

Do you like anyone right now?
I like a lot of people

Do you talk dirty to people?
not recently

If we were to look in your phone inbox, what would we find?
no phone

Will you have a valentine this year?
sure

Anyone upset you lately?
yes

Last person you talked to on the phone?
I don't remember

Can you easily tell if someone is fake?
Usually

Say you were given a drug test right now,would u pass?
 Yes

I wish I were dead.. Isn't that an awful thing to say.. and maybe.. just maybe.. a couple of minutes ago it was true.. A few minutes ago I discovered that my daughter hated me.. How could someone not know that?? I should have known.. I should have been able to tell. But I didn't... I've not kept in that close of touch with her.. I thought that was what she wanted.. Seems I was wrong about that too..

How does this have anything to do with death?? Nothing really.. but there are times I feel like such a failure.. My two oldest children seem to hate me.. seems the only thing to look forward to is my youngest growing up to do the same.. I suppose one could think that maybe if I wasn't in the picture.. I wouldn't have to feel that particular heartbreak.. Course.. I suppose that's the cowards way out.. and frankly I've never been called a chickenshit.. I've been called a lot of things.. probably more today than ever before.. but never that..

So I am poor white trash.. get over it folks.. this is the way I live.. I am unemployable.. despite the many hand fulls of meds I take every day.. so I get by how I can.. There are those who love the things that I do and they are willing to pay me money for them.. I own my place.. how many poor white trash folks do you know who can make that claim?? So maybe it is a hillbilly shack in the woods.. at least it is paid for.. Matter of fact.. I don't owe anything to anyone..

Maybe I didn't make the best decisions for my children.. even though I thought they were at the time.. Maybe I am more self-centered than I should be.. but ya know.. I've discovered that most people are.. and living for my children became more than I could live with.. after all.. they grew up and moved away.. who was I supposed to live for then? I had to find myself to live for.. otherwise I might as well be dead.. I think most people live for themselves.. maybe I am wrong there.. but that's my story.. as they say..

Listen to me.. defending my right to be alive.. just how much bs is that.. I was a Marine for chits sakes.. I am a good person.. I am a private person.. I mess with no one.. and damn it.. no one messes with me either.. lol awww.. aren't I the ballsy one.. People mess with me all the time.. I'm a wuss.. I take in strays and fill their bellies and take it when they screw me in the a**.. but that's me.. just ask anyone.. not that anyone knows me anymore.. I've withdrawn from public life.. except for my shows where I sell my wares.. That's as much *public* as I want.. anything else stresses me out anymore.. I basically just want to be left alone.. I've been through enough now.. If I have to.. I suppose I could still do whatever it takes.. I would guess that anyone could.. but I'd rather just chill for a few years..

It's amazing what people can/will endure.. Don't know that I'm any stronger for it.. but it hasn't beat me yet.. No one.. or no thing.. I'm stronger than you might think.. I might even be stronger than I think.. it could happen.. maybe it happens every day..

K doesn't really hate me.. she can't.. she loves me to much.. I know she does.. she can bitch and moan about me.. but hey.. she's been through alot.. and not all of it good.. but we still have love.. always have.. always will.. and if her brother finds out what her friend said to me today.. Her knight in shining armour might gain a few dents.. David doesn't hate me either.. It just feels that way to me sometimes because I'm one of those people who like to hear the love from time to time..

My two oldest just grew up different from me.. at least that's what I tell myself.. Neither of them are interested in living off the grid.. (over eight thousand dollars, it's not cheap to live with the sun).. Neither of them want the whole hayseed in the teeth.. ride the horse to town kinda lifestyle.. and I'm ok with that.. Doesn't make either one of us a *bad* person.. just makes us different.. and what is wrong with that?

So I don't really want to be dead.. and my daughter doesn't really hate me.. nor do my sons.. It's not all sunny and bright for me everyday.. but it doesn't rain all the time either.. It's just life.. we muddle through the best we can.. and there's always someone wanting to kick your a** for any mistakes you might have made along the way.. I'm used to it..

Take care,

Vesta